Showing posts with label dispute. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dispute. Show all posts

Day 301 | Sunday, October 25 | 2009

Soccer Players...

Played another game of soccer this morning and we won 2-0! Fun times indeed. I scored a goal and it was pretty exciting. We won the game even though we were playing with five players (usually we play with 7 in this league). The other team had about five substitutes and that made it even more challenging. Still, we pulled it off!

Last night was part fun, part awkward, and part upsetting. It was a nice get together to see Boaz off (he's returning back to New York today) and about twenty people came over for dinner. The food went off well -- we had the Romanian feast I had made before but this time Leslie, Caitlin, Casey and Sarah helped out a lot and made everything possible. The awkward parts of the night were when Boaz kept on insulting Leslie. By now, I've sort of gotten used to Boaz poking fun at Leslie but somehow things just didn't seem right this time. It seemed like something deeper was going on. I could see Leslie trying to reach out to Boaz to try to communicate how she is going to miss him and how much of a friend he was to her and it was a little surprising to see him act so callously rude to her. It was as if he didn't really consider her to be a true friend -- or at least a friend that he valued very much. It all escalated as the night went on and eventually turned into a full-blown argument. Supposedly the two have been arguing online today and it saddens me to see two very good friends be so upset at one another. I can understand pieces of where each of the two are coming from but what I can't understand is both person's inability to reconcile with the other -- particularly Boaz. I wish things weren't so messed up right now.

Regardless, I have lots of work I should be doing (particularly a PowerPoint presentation that is due tomorrow that I just found out about) and I am going to get on it.

Day 27 | Tuesday, January 27 | 2009

Treads....

I talked to Amanda today on the phone considering our housing situation. It was not a very pleasant conversation for either one of us. At one point she had told me that she thought it would be best if I moved out of the house as early as this week. I don't think that she really meant that, though, and I think she said that on account of being upset at me for suggesting the idea of having a sub-leaser live at the house for April and May (and a little bit of March and June). This was my mistake, though, because I had forgotten a part of me and Amanda's conversation on Thursday when she said she'd be against the idea of having a sub-leaser.

This whole situation is pretty disconcerting -- either way, there is going to be tensions between us. If either of us truly wants to work toward fairness, it is certain that we'll all need to not let our emotions get in the way of what's going on. Most likely, I concede to pay some sort of amount in the Spring to honor the understanding that we had all reached that I would represent myself financially until June.

Also, both parties need to stop distorting the other's position. Amanda has taken the fact -- that I had a question about whether or not I was actually signed on a lease -- a little far in insinuating that I am trying to find some loophole to screw Rem and her over. This is not the case at all. At the time it was only a small consideration; an afterthought -- as in me thinking to myself... am I technically signed on the lease? I think Amanda blew that idea a little out of proportion in thinking that I have motivations only related to money. Some of these ideas are starting look a lot like people labeling me and misrepresenting what I am saying.

What I am saying, however, is that we do achieve financial fairness. There was a slightly embarrassing moment in me and Amanda's conversation this morning. I had previously thought that the monthly payment was $650.00 but, in fact, I was corrected on account that it is actually $750.00 per month. When I was talking to Amanda, I felt pretty bad because I couldn't do the math in my head as to how much that would change the previous situation. So here is the breakdown:

August $337.50 / 250.00
September $337.50 / 250.00
October $337.50 / 250.00
November $337.50 / 250.00
December $337.50 / 250.00
January $337.50 / 250.00
February $337.50 / 250.00
March $337.50 / 250.00

Totals $3,037.50 / $2,250.00

Regardless, I'm still paying about $800.00 more than what I would have paid if the deal had been originally structured around the rent being divided by three, as opposed to the division of two. Even that, technically, is not what happened because I am paying slightly less (about $40.00 per month to be exact) that what half of the monthly payment is now.

I had lunch with Larry today and it was good to talk with him. It is always good to talk with Larry because he sees things through a clear lens, unobstructed by many of the biases that I have. What he told me was that he thought Rem and Amanda's perspective was fair -- that I should honor the fact that I had promised to pay the amount for the year. At the same time, he pointed out, that both parties should concede a little bit in order to make the situation work. He said that in the end no one would be happy if each of us would have it completely their way. And he is right. Not because of what Larry said made me see it this way but also because I think that paying some sort of an intermediate rate would be the fair thing to do. Sure, it might be more money that would be against the fiscal fairness in the numbers I had been keeping track of...but I think that is the only way for people to be happy in this situation.

I hope that this all ends well. I hope that Rem and Amanda will not show any needless hostility towards me and that I will not (or my father) be needlessly hostile towards them either. It would be a waste of everyone's time and energy to make this into that kind of a situation.

Later: I have been reflecting on this day for a while and I hope that there is no tension. I hope that there is no stigma applied to me, Rem, or Amanda. What a waste of time it would be to apply some value judgment such as `right´ ´wrong´ ´good´or ´bad´to this situation. I am aware that a lot of this situation was my fault -- when Jesse moved out of the house I agreed to pay more money for the room. It might appear that I am asking for two things at the same time. The truth is that I am in no way trying to manipulate nor have I tried to manipulate the situation. Perhaps I feel slight regret on my past decisions. What I should have done would have been to either find a place to live after Jesse moved out or find a new place for the summer of 2008. The reason why I didn´t do either of these was because I felt obligated to help Rem and Amanda out. Besides, I consider Rem and Amanda good friends and I like living with them. Things might have been easier in the long run in terms of avoiding interpersonal conflict if I would have left then but a large part of why I chose to stay was so that Rem and Amanda wouldn´t have had to work hard to adjust to their rent payments.

Day 23 | Friday, January 23 | 2009

Frozen Sunrise...

Woke up today at 7 to get ready for my Theory class at 8.  It's cold as usual (about 32F) but not nearly as cold as it was last friday.  

I am currently filling out paper work and the application for the study abroad program for the Ecuador: Cuenca program.  I am so excited yet apprehensive about this.  Here is an excerpt of the description of the program:

The Latin American Studies program offers an intensive language and culture program studying Spanish and Geography in Cuenca, a city of 320,00 people situated in Ecuador's southern Andes Mountains.  Students may choose three courses from the following offerings:  SPAN213, 341 or 343, 349, 355 or 356, 435, 439.  In addition, all students will be required to take one class in Latin American Studies.  Each student will live with a host family.  The program gives priority to students majoring in Latin American Studies and Advanced Speakers of Spanish, but every undergraduate student who has completed Spanish 212 is eligible to apply.

This is all so exciting to me on a number of levels.  The idea of studying abroad in Ecuador (!), in South America, and speaking spanish all the time sounds really inspiring to me.  I am sure that this experience would change my life, allow me to learn beyond perceived ability, and help me become a more conscious and understanding individual.  There are many things, too, that I believe it would help me develop and explore, without me even knowing yet.  I have so many questions and curiosities about life in Ecuador -- what it will be like, what my potential host family would be like, what I could learn about the cultures, what I could learn about the music, and so on.  

Some of the drawbacks include program costs, my current living situation, and not being able to directly communicate to the ones I love.  I would not be able to directly see Caitlin, Caitlin's family, or any of my family from March until June.  This will be difficult for me but I do think, too, that we can make it work.  I am sure I will have access to Internet -- though it'll probably be less access -- so I will communicate in that way or I am sure that I will have access to a telephone.  The other thing I am concerned about is my living situation and how this might pertain to life as a whole to people in Athens.  It's sort of a headache to figure out with Rem and Amanda about paying for rent.  They have recently bought a house (the one I had lived in with them for the previous year, and they had lived in for the previous 4 or 5 years).  The monthly mortgage is $675.00 now -- It used to be less but was increased when Rem and Amanda bought the house.  I am currently paying $337.50 (half of the mortgage) although there are 3 people living in the house and also I am living in the house somewhat sporadically (although I am a permanent resident of Athens, Ohio).  Amanda's argument is that I enjoy a bigger living space (although the square footage of my room and Rem and Amanda's room is practically identical), I have my own room (as opposed to Rem and Amanda sharing a room), and that I would not be able to find the same quality of room anywhere else in Athens for the low price of $337.50 per month (not including utilities).  

OK.  I can agree that $337.50 is a pretty good price for monthly rent -- especially in Athens City Proper -- but I disagree with some of the general assumptions of Amanda's argument.  It is fairly uncommon to divide rent by the number of rooms as opposed to the number of occupants.  Isn't it?  The current system says that we divide the $675.00 into two (number of rooms) although there are three occupants (me, Rem, and Amanda). I don't think that me paying half of the monthly mortgage is justified solely based on the fact that I have my own room.  I feel like I am being discriminated against because of the fact that Rem and Amanda are married and I am not.  I don't think that co-habitating a room as a married couple equates for reduced rate in payment on monthly mortgage or rent.  I guess consider the alternative -- would they prefer that, while remaining married, they each have their own individual room?  As far as the quality argument -- that my monthly rent costs are justified because I couldn't find the same quality for the same price -- maybe that is true to an extent.  But the quality of my room (and even their house) is generally sub-standard.  The insulation of the house is poor and in the winter time little or no heat is retained.  I feel like it is a struggle to live in that cold house and maybe that is why I don't see eye to eye on how $337.50 is such a good deal.  There are definitely opportunity costs (namely the poor heat, having to share a bathroom, dealing with dogs, and not having a dishwasher) that Amanda is overlooking here.

Anyway, I am bringing this up because it is on my mind.  I recently talked to Amanda about the likeliness of me studying abroad in Ecuador this Spring.  My father, who is generally bothered by the fact that I am paying half of Rem and Amanda's mortgage (as opposed to splitting things fairly into three payments), has brought up that he believes I should not have to pay rent for April, May or June.  I communicated this to Amanda but she generally thinks that she and Adam would feel like we would be taking advantage of them if we did that.  I half agree with her and I half agree with my father.  I think that we (being my father as the capital source and me being the embodied representative) have been pretty lenient in terms of paying rent so far.  I'll break it down.  


August $337.50 / $225.00
September $337.50/ $225.00
October $337.50 / $225.00
November  $337.50 / $225.00
December  $337.50 / $225.00
January  $337.50 / $225.00
February  $337.50 / $225.00
March $337.50 / $225.00

Totals $2,700.00 / $1,800.00


So here, this shows how much money I have been paying per month on monthly rent (left number) as the system stands -- that I pay one half of the monthly rent and that Rem and Amanda pay the other half (although it is divided by rooms instead of divided by people).  As you can see, I have paid $900.00 more (as of the end of March) that I would have paid if things were divided up in a more usual manner.  

Sometimes I think Amanda can insinuate things -- that me and my father are trying to take advantage of her -- without looking at the possibility that she and Rem might be taking advantage of us.  So, the reason why I half agree with my father's argument is based on the next thing:



April  $337.50 / $225.00
May  $337.50 / $225.00
June $337.50 / $225.00

Totals for Spring  $1,012.00 / $675.00
Totals for Year $3,712.00 / $2,475.00
Totals if I don't pay Spring $2,700.00 / $1,800.00
Totals if I pay $200.00 p/month for spring   $3,300.00 / $2,400.00

So here I am looking at the numbers if I don't spend any money this spring.  It is interesting to note that to total rent paid on the year (or at least since Rem and Amanda took over the ownership of the house in August) would still be $225.00 more ( $2,700 - $2,475.00) than if I would have paid the fair amount ($225.00 per month) on the whole year.  In this way, my dad's argument makes sense.  We are already paying more up to March than what we should have paid on the year.  Thus, Rem and Amanda are underestimating our financial lenience toward them.

I do not understand how this does not make sense to Rem and Amanda.  I feel like they are not trying to see it from my perspective.  Regardless, I will most likely compromise with them (perhaps to the point of letting them use me) to go their way and pay $200.00 per month for the spring.  That leaves the yearly total to $3,300 -- almost $1,000.00 more than I would have paid if rent had been divided by the number of occupants instead of rooms.

Anyway, it is easy to get captured into the manic pettiness that is personal finance (especially in how in relates to one's interpersonal relationships).  The important thing is that we all reach a level of understanding and respect for one another while also achieving fiscal fairness.  

In other news, today is a great day because it is me and Caitlin's 11-month anniversary.  We have been dating for 11 months and I love her more than ever.  I am so lucky to have her in my life -- she is there for me on so many levels.  She genuinely cares about me and always treats me with respect.  Not only have I come to know and love her but also I have really been lucky in getting to know and love her amazing family.  Her mom Susan and dad Mark are really spectacular.  They make me feel welcome whenever I come to visit and they love me as if I were their own.  I am such a lucky guy.