Day 27 | Tuesday, January 27 | 2009

Treads....

I talked to Amanda today on the phone considering our housing situation. It was not a very pleasant conversation for either one of us. At one point she had told me that she thought it would be best if I moved out of the house as early as this week. I don't think that she really meant that, though, and I think she said that on account of being upset at me for suggesting the idea of having a sub-leaser live at the house for April and May (and a little bit of March and June). This was my mistake, though, because I had forgotten a part of me and Amanda's conversation on Thursday when she said she'd be against the idea of having a sub-leaser.

This whole situation is pretty disconcerting -- either way, there is going to be tensions between us. If either of us truly wants to work toward fairness, it is certain that we'll all need to not let our emotions get in the way of what's going on. Most likely, I concede to pay some sort of amount in the Spring to honor the understanding that we had all reached that I would represent myself financially until June.

Also, both parties need to stop distorting the other's position. Amanda has taken the fact -- that I had a question about whether or not I was actually signed on a lease -- a little far in insinuating that I am trying to find some loophole to screw Rem and her over. This is not the case at all. At the time it was only a small consideration; an afterthought -- as in me thinking to myself... am I technically signed on the lease? I think Amanda blew that idea a little out of proportion in thinking that I have motivations only related to money. Some of these ideas are starting look a lot like people labeling me and misrepresenting what I am saying.

What I am saying, however, is that we do achieve financial fairness. There was a slightly embarrassing moment in me and Amanda's conversation this morning. I had previously thought that the monthly payment was $650.00 but, in fact, I was corrected on account that it is actually $750.00 per month. When I was talking to Amanda, I felt pretty bad because I couldn't do the math in my head as to how much that would change the previous situation. So here is the breakdown:

August $337.50 / 250.00

September $337.50 / 250.00

October $337.50 / 250.00

November $337.50 / 250.00

December $337.50 / 250.00

January $337.50 / 250.00

February $337.50 / 250.00

March $337.50 / 250.00

Totals $3,037.50 / $2,250.00

Regardless, I'm still paying about $800.00 more than what I would have paid if the deal had been originally structured around the rent being divided by three, as opposed to the division of two. Even that, technically, is not what happened because I am paying slightly less (about $40.00 per month to be exact) that what half of the monthly payment is now.

I had lunch with Larry today and it was good to talk with him. It is always good to talk with Larry because he sees things through a clear lens, unobstructed by many of the biases that I have. What he told me was that he thought Rem and Amanda's perspective was fair -- that I should honor the fact that I had promised to pay the amount for the year. At the same time, he pointed out, that both parties should concede a little bit in order to make the situation work. He said that in the end no one would be happy if each of us would have it completely their way. And he is right. Not because of what Larry said made me see it this way but also because I think that paying some sort of an intermediate rate would be the fair thing to do. Sure, it might be more money that would be against the fiscal fairness in the numbers I had been keeping track of...but I think that is the only way for people to be happy in this situation.

I hope that this all ends well. I hope that Rem and Amanda will not show any needless hostility towards me and that I will not (or my father) be needlessly hostile towards them either. It would be a waste of everyone's time and energy to make this into that kind of a situation.

Later: I have been reflecting on this day for a while and I hope that there is no tension. I hope that there is no stigma applied to me, Rem, or Amanda. What a waste of time it would be to apply some value judgment such as `right´ ´wrong´ ´good´or ´bad´to this situation. I am aware that a lot of this situation was my fault -- when Jesse moved out of the house I agreed to pay more money for the room. It might appear that I am asking for two things at the same time. The truth is that I am in no way trying to manipulate nor have I tried to manipulate the situation. Perhaps I feel slight regret on my past decisions. What I should have done would have been to either find a place to live after Jesse moved out or find a new place for the summer of 2008. The reason why I didn´t do either of these was because I felt obligated to help Rem and Amanda out. Besides, I consider Rem and Amanda good friends and I like living with them. Things might have been easier in the long run in terms of avoiding interpersonal conflict if I would have left then but a large part of why I chose to stay was so that Rem and Amanda wouldn´t have had to work hard to adjust to their rent payments.